THIRSTY

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Sometimes, you just want to shut off your mind from all the knowledge you've had about God, and you just want to encounter God, Himself, right in your heart. It's like digging an old treasure you were once so happy about that you've found it. 

Me, holding on to my faith "lately"(for I feel like it's been like forever) is like gasping for air to breathe in oxygen before it's too late to be alive. 

I've read Philip Yancey's Reaching For an Invisible God, and it remains one of my favorite books. But "lately," it feels like I, the one who is reaching out, is the one invisible, and not God. I know and believe that this God I know exists. No one and nothing can make me forsake that belief in this life time. It's just that when I come in to the picture "lately," I feel like God looks past through me. I feel like I've been pounding on His door and no one inside hears a thing. Whew. I am blown away. Life has been beating us up on our finances, my health, and now, even my future..My very near future. 

I don't feel Him that much, I don't hear Him..and it hurts..because He knows, more than anyone else that I need His voice, I need Him, now more than ever, before.

Everything about "lately" hurts already. 

All I have is His naked Truth, that I don't even feel like holding on to...but if I let go, nothing will be left for me..I don't feel like I want to live for Him already..but again, again and again, I don't know how to live without Him anymore.

TOUCHING GOD

*a late post

from my_sarisari_store.typepad.com

This picture always reminds me of how ancient people flooded the places where Jesus was during His ministry on earth, as recorded in the New Testament.

“That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who had various diseases…” Mark 1:32-34 (NIV)

“For he had healed many, so that those with diseases were pushing forward to touch him.” Mark 3:10 (NIV)

The sick, the poor, those who's hope left is only God, came rushing towards Jesus.

How about now? We can't see Jesus roaming around so we can run to Him to touch Him and be healed. Yet, if a tangible touch isn't possible today, perhaps we can just touch His heart.

If there's healing by merely touching His cloak, how much more if we touch his heart?

I believe that if God puts value to a faith of someone who perseveres despite of the raging crowd just to seek his healing, He cherishes it more if a person simply puts his faith on Him despite of a seemingly impossible situation.

Every time we seek Him amidst the darkness we face, every time we go through the “crowd” of obstacles in life, and still trust Him-- God is worshipped. And every time God is truly worshipped, He is touched.

“A large crowd followed and pressed around him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched His cloak, because she thought, “if I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

“At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from Him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched me?”

“You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, “Who touched me?”

But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:24-34 (NIV)

People, until now, are desperate for “God”— and our act of desperation comes in many ways. We long for miracles, we hope for the impossible. It’s in the tiniest cry of our hearts. Therefore, we want to get in touch with a higher power—or God. Many will try to touch Him, but few are felt. For when God asked, "Who touched me?" I believe it was more than a physical contact but a connection in spirit. If in touching the edge of his cloak, people in the past received physical healing. We have this hope that right now, wherever we are, by touching His heart through worship, we can receive healing in our wounded hearts and bruised souls.--- something we truly long.

“People brought all their sick to him, and begged him to let the sick just touch in the edge of His cloak, and all who touched Him were healed.” Matthew 14:35-36 (NIV)

IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH

My church, Victory Christian Fellowship's annual Seven days Prayer and Fasting is about to end. And attending prayer meeting every night these past few days reminded me of something I've read from Rick Joyner's The Call, which touches me every time... I hope that for you, it will be the same. :)

"...Then I was in a different place, beholding a worship service in a little church building. As sometimes happens in a prophetic experience, I just seemed to know everything about everyone in the battered little room. All were experiencing severe trials in their lives, but they were not even thinking of them here. They were not praying about their needs. They were all trying to compose songs of thanksgiving to the Lord. They were happy, and their joy was sincere.

I saw heaven, and all of heaven was weeping. I then saw the Father again and knew why heaven was weeping. They were weeping because of the tears in the eyes of the Father. This little group of seemingly beaten down, struggling people had moved God so deeply that He wept. They were not tears of pain, but of joy. When I saw the love that He felt for these few worshipers, I could not contain my own tears.

Nothing I had experienced gripped me more than this scene. Worshiping the Lord on earth was now more desirable to me than dwelling in all of the glory of heaven. I knew that I had been given a message that could help prepare the saints for the battles that remained on earth, but now this did not mean nearly as much to me as trying to convey how we could touch the Father. Genuine adoration expressed by even the most humble believer on earth could cause all of heaven to rejoice, but even more than that, it touches the Father. This is why the angels would rather be given charge over a single believer on the earth than to be given authority over many galaxies of stars.

I saw Jesus standing next to the Father. Beholding the joy of the Father as He watched the little prayer meeting, He turned to me and said, “This is why I went to the cross. Giving My Father joy for just one moment would have been worth it all. Your worship can cause Him joy every day. Your worship when you are in the midst of difficulties touches Him even more than all of the worship of heaven. Here, where His glory is seen, the angels cannot help but to worship. When you worship without seeing His glory in the midst of your trials, that is worship in Spirit and in truth. The Father seeks such to be His worshipers. Do not waste your trials. Worship the Father, not for what you will receive, but to bring Him joy. You will never be stronger than when you bring Him joy, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”

BIDDING 2010 GOODBYE

from Google

It was year 2006 when I was branded “Batch 2010.” I was freshmen in the school of nursing and year 2010, back then, seemed to be remote. But there it goes, “Batch 2010” has already graduated and “Year 2010” is nearly over. Looking back, time indeed flew fast. So before the countdown to 2011 starts and fireworks dance in the night sky, I’ll try to look back and find some things that made this year “for a purpose.”

Year 2010 is the year I got 20 years old, graduated from school, got exhausted like never before while reviewing, passed a board exam, became a licensed professional, became a bum like forever, got restless and confused about what to do in life, got weird “stomach” sickness, felt the biggest blow financially, and worse, I nearly forgot about Christmas.

The second half of my year was, for me, filled with series of wrong decisions made and wrong attitudes displayed. It was a not so perfect year, yet I believe, I wouldn’t trade “my” year 2010 with somebody else’s year 2010. I may have made a lot of mess out of it, but it’s either I stumble and stay here forever or I stumble and get up, and since the game is not yet over, try again. Besides, a series of wrong decisions made and wrong attitudes displayed could lead to life lessons we could either choose to learn or to ignore.

This year, I learned that letting go and holding on, go hand in hand. Human nature says, it’s easier to be so tight-gripped about the bad things in life and just give up on the good things in life; just as when life offers you a bed of roses, it’s so easy to praise God but when life’s problems hit you hard, it’s easier to be mad at God and just run away.  But since I chose to take the narrow road, I must learn to live the other way around. There are three things I found to better let go:  if it’s not meant for me, if it’s not yet the right time, and if the situation is humanly impossible to solve. With that, it’s time to let go and let God. His promises and blessings, I need to hold on to, even if it looks like the hardest thing to do at the moment.

This year, I learned the value of “stillness.” I may appear as a silent person most of the time, but deep down inside me, silence finds an elusive place.  Silence, in fact, gives me an awful feeling.  I find myself, wanting to do something, all the time—even if unnecessary. “But I can’t just hit the accelerator all the time. Sometimes, it’s good to hit my brakes.” (joyce meyer)  My post board exam experience left me on the nuts. I was in my most confused state. I thought I was seeking God but, I guess, I was just blurting it all out on God.  I forgot that when you get lost on a road trip, you have to ask for direction, and to ask for direction, you have to stop.  You can’t ask where to go, while you are still on your own driving. Peace and rest gives God a good soil to plant whatever He wants us to do.

This year, I learned that I can only do one thing at a time. (What?) Yes, I used to multi-task everything. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that multi-tasking is a bad thing; it’s just that, what happened to me was, I fell into the destructive attitude of a “hurry.” I used to be preoccupied with what’s next and I failed to truly savour every bit of what’s in the now.

This year, I felt like majority of my time were spent in waiting. Most of the time, I was just too early. Other times, they were just too late.  At times, I was just waiting for nothing. Perhaps, God saw it fit for me to wait because my must-learn lessons are best learned through waiting. Patience is one.

Lastly, this year, I felt that I wanted to give up my relationship with God already...only to find out that I don’t know how to live without relating with Him anymore. Or perhaps, I’m letting Him go, like a child pulling his hand from his father’s hand while crossing a street, but He won’t let go since He sees the danger ahead. Or, He won’t let go simply because He loves me..even if He is not being loved back enough. I don’t know. I am nothing special on my own to be held this long. It’s just the Father’s love so strong..

Year 2010 is not my favourite year. This is not my favourite season either. But even if I feel like I’m merely crawling in my journey in life, I truly hope that as I take my exodus from year 2010, I will carry with me a better change on the genesis and the rest of 2011.

THE MANGER

"The manger wasn't a clean place.
It was smelly and messy.
Yet, God chose Jesus to be born in one.
For me, the manger has always signified
the state of the hearts of some.
...There must be a reason why Jesus was born in one.
I believe it is to tell us and make us know,
that regardless of the state of our hearts,
it is never too messed up for true love to be born in.
None of us are ever beyond the reach
of our loving friend, Jesus...the reason for the season."

-from http://twitter.com/#!/4ever_on_faith

(Gary Valenciano)

GOD'S CHRISTMAS DAY :)

     "The child born in the night among the beasts. The sweet breath and steaming dung of beasts. And nothing is ever the same again.

     Those who believe in God can never in a way be sure  of him again. Once they have seen him in a stable, they can never be sure where he will appear or to what lengths he will go or to what ludicrous depths of self-humiliation he will descend in his wild pursuit of man....

     For those who believe in God, it means, this birth, that God is never safe from us, and maybe that is the dark side of Christmas....He comes in such a way that we can always turn him down, as we could crack the baby's skull like an eggshell or nail him up when he gets too big for that..."

.... 

  "How did Christmas day feel to God? Imagine for a moment becoming a baby again: giving up language and muscle coordination, and the ability to eat solid food and control your bladder. God as a fetus!...On that day in Bethlehem, the Maker of All That Is took form as a helpless, dependent newborn.

     "Kenosis" is the technical word theologians use to describe Christ emptying himself of the disadvantages of deity. Ironically, while the emptying involved much humiliation, it also involved a kind of freedom. A physical body freed Christ to act on a human scale, without those "disadvantages" (of infinity). He could say what He wanted without His voice blasting the treetops. He could express anger by calling King Herod a fox or by reaching for a bullwhip in the temple, rather than shaking the earth with His stormy presence. And he could talk to anyone-- a prostitute, a blind man, a widow, a leper-- without first having to announce, "Fear not!"

Publish Post-Philip Yancey, Disappointment With God 

Merry Christmas everyone!:) 

GOD'S SILENCE— THEN WHAT?

     "I got this from Osward Chamber's Devotionals at utmost.org. It is something on time, and appropriate for someone like me, who has been on the rocks with her relationship with God. I can't take it in by just a big gulp. I need to take time chewing it, tasting it, and finally, by His grace, digest it down to my inmost self. I hope, His Spirit will remind me about this along the way, if ever I walk away from here again."

Has God trusted you with His silence— a silence that has great meaning? God’s silences are actually His answers. Just think of those days of absolute silence in the home at Bethany! Is there anything comparable to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking Him for a visible answer? God will give you the very blessings you ask if you refuse to go any further without them, but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into an even more wonderful understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? When you cannot hear God, you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible— with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure, because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, then praise Him— He is bringing you into the mainstream of His purposes. The actual evidence of the answer in time is simply a matter of God’s sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you may have said, “I asked God to give me bread, but He gave me a stone instead” (see Matthew 7:9). He did not give you a stone, and today you find that He gave you the “bread of life” (John 6:35).

A wonderful thing about God’s silence is that His stillness is contagious— it gets into you, causing you to become perfectly confident so that you can honestly say, “I know that God has heard me.” His silence is the very proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will always bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of His silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, then He will give you the first sign of His intimacy— silence.

PLAYING GOD?

Isn't it interesting to be God just for once?-- whatever your image of God is. Being God means being able to control everything. It means having the freedom from the boundaries of space and time. Yes it is interesting, but it can be interestingly dangerous as well. 

Humans have such inclination, whether we are conscious about it or not. We all want to become the gods of our own lives sometimes. We aim to do much in a lesser time, so we tend to overdo a lot of things. Life then,  becomes a race instead of a stroll, which we can slow down and marvel at what life offers us. We want to become "all people" to accomplish much. 

Life is like a drama on a stage. Everyone has his own role to play. The show might mess up if we keep on trying to act on the roles of others-- especially if that role is God's. It is wise to learn our finite parts since we can only do what we can do. The rest is up to God's omnipotence to allow others work on what is not yours to play. 

Most of all, we have to learn to step back to allow God to step in, so that He can do His stuff. Besides, it will please Him if we say,  "...not as I will, but as You will." [Matthew 26:39]