Sometimes, God allows chaos in our lives.Our plans mess up. Our times wasted. Our energy spent seemed to be useless. Such times tempt us to look back and regret everything we did and wonder about the things we should have done.
But as always, we can't worry forever about the things we can't already change.
Anyone who thinks he/she did a mistake can, "...forget what is behind, and strain toward what is ahead..." [Philippians 3:13] Anyone who feels he/she missed God's best, "...from there, He can gather us and bring us back..." [Deutoronomy 30:4] to where we should be.
One of my favorite lines in Joyce Meyer's Never Give Up is, "...if you miss God somehow, don't worry, He'll find YOU..." One of the best things about being a believer of the Living God as I am is we can always choose to hope... Hope that God can use even our most terrible mistakes, "..ultimately to serve His purpose.." "...God can turn it around and use it for your advantage..." AGAIN.
One of my most-said prayer lately is that God would give me the courage to face the unknown ahead, and not to allow fear to stop me even just to try. And among all the noises in my head, all the options, alternatives, plan A's and B's, God would help me "Be still.." [Psalm 46:10] and help me listen to my heart, as it echo what is in His heart.
“God and I as unequal partners....” mentioned by Philip Yancey
Who would have thought that such relationship could exist? It seems like God has “learned” the language of humans like these humans have to “learn” the language of their pet dog, or to Bo Sanchez, of a worm, to keep such an “unequal” relationship.“Learning” the language starts a communication, and communication is where any relationship starts.
The simplest definition of communication I learned from College English was it is a two-way process of exchanging information. There’s a sender, a channel, and a receiver. Then the receiver, in turn would become the sender, there’s a feedback, then the sender is now the receiver.
I relate to God by praying. And God relates to me as well, though not always the way I hope He would.
The fact is, I struggle hearing from God. I mean, I know His general will: “to prosper me and not to harm me, to give me hope and a future..” I know the do’s and don’ts: “Do not steal,” “Do not murder,” “Honor your mother and father...”But there are some specific things I ask God and in turn, hoping to get a specific answer, which means I need to hear directly from God. I need to discern something—but I’m not sure I did.
Joyce Meyer, in her book How to Hear from God, pointed ways how God communicates to His people.
wisdom and common sense,
through people,
through my own mouth (words),
correction,
persistent promptings,
heart’s desires,
conviction,
conscience;
these, I found to be the usual ways God “talked” to me.
Then it goes deeper:
through His Word, (or Rhema, which is God’s spoken words)
through visions, dreams and prophecy, something I feel that are so elusive to me;
peace that transcends all understanding
and the most mysterious to me: through a still small voice.
Since I don’t think I had one moment of it, it’s a whole new dimension I long to have: something more personal, more intimate.
Quoting from Philip Yancey’s Prayer, Does it Make Any Difference?words I can also own:
“So I have a problem with God. I have never had a conversation with him; I have never heard his audible voice. Though I sometimes feel powerful religious emotions, I am cautious in interpreting my impulses and feeling as messages from God. I do not want to take the Lord’s name in vain. I do not want to say, “The Lord told me,” when in reality I heard a mental recording of my mother’s voice. I have spent any number of hours talking to God, and he has not yet answered back in a voice that was undeniably his.”
-Knowing the Face of God, Tim Stafford
Meanwhile, there are some words I treasure since God spoke it as a personal message to me, though He spoke not directly to me:
“Don’t worry; you’ll see your daughter leap in joy.”
He told those words to my mom when I was so bothered, I’m about to fail a subject back in college.
(God does care for our littlest concerns. Back then, those moments were so heavy for me, but at present I could laugh at myself for allowing such state take over me.)
“It’s worth it.”
He spoke that through my friend, Kevin. Whatever God meant, those words were encouraging especially in times when I am chaotic inside and my light of hope is dim. And through the same person He told me, He is always thinking of me.
Those are few words I hang on that God could be “personal” to me as well.
I appreciate God’s every attempt to relate to me deeper—even though he does through other people. And I cannot imagine how happy would I be had God talked to me first hand.
I wish I could draw the line between an encounter with a fellow believer telling me, “God loves you,” and an encounter with God, telling me personally, “I love you.”
I long for it: a God moment when I know without a doubt that the voice I hear and the leading I feel are His, not of my own.
I couldn’t understand why the encounter I long for is something He easily gives to anyone else, to some, who doesn’t even desire it the way I do. I don’t understand why He prefers to give it to people, who don’t even ask for it the way I used to.
Joyce Meyer emphasized in her book How to Hear from God, that to be able to hear clearly from God, one must be “still” – being in a quiet place and waiting upon Him to speak is of value. But how about Joel Osteen’s story about a woman yelling at God, “I hate you!” then God replies, “This is the first time you’ve spoken to me, and I just want tell you that I love you.” What about a Muslim bargaining with God, then God suddenly shows up? What about Paul persecuting the church, then Jesus suddenly speaks, “Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting me?”
Then I learned that there is no absolute formula on hearing the “voice” of God. God speaks when He wants to and He does not when He does not want to. God talks “audibly” to whom He wants to. And it hurts to realize that “at the moment,” I am not of them.
When people speaks about that “voice,” I could already find similarities like it is “the gentlest, most loving voice..” And the common experience of perfect peace that filled their hearts; yet here I am who cannot even quote the words, “The Lord told me..”
Being an unequal partner that I am, I have no power to dictate a God how He should relate to me. That encounter I hope for, that voice I long to hear—are something I cannot have on my own. No effort is enough to move God the way I long He would. It’s something I can only hope for, something I can only wait for, something I can only ask.
"...Stand up for something. It is one of the most important lessons I have learned. Decide whether you will go with the black or white because there are no gray areas in life like this. I have learned to stick to what I believe in and ignore what others may say about it. Don't go with the world, go against the grain. I may make a wrong decision sometimes but standing up for something, also entails responsibility for whatever it will lead me to..."
-Rovy P. Malasan, Lampara 2008 FEU-NRMF
One of most helpless state you could ever experience is during those times when you don't know what to do. When all you have been doing is wrestling with alternatives and you never come up with a decision. It breaks my heart that I'm someone who is not afraid to take risks, someone who is not stopped by the fear of change-- but still I can't move forward because I cannot decide what to do in the first place. It's hard to wait. To just wait. You see, not knowing what to do is far harder than making a hard decision. I can seek advice. I can consider possibilities as much as I want, but at the end of the day, I'm still the only person who can decide for myself. At this point, I've made a hard decision, that leaves me no choice but to stand up for it-- no matter what the outcome will be.
If your Facebook status is about “love,” it might receive the most number of comments and probably like’s. If your tweet is about “dating,” it could be a trending topic for the day. If a song is “romantic” inspired, it would most likely top the music hit chart. If a movie portrays a good "love story," it would probably be one of the must see’s.
I would agree, though not totally to one Philippine Star Sunday Lifestyle Relationships (March 22, 2009) article, which says, “...we’re simply a people in love with love. That goes even for those of us who aren’t in love with anyone!”
Maybe it’s one of the reasons why this article caught my attention. Another thing is that the article, which is actually titled, “How and why I stopped being a serial dater,” is written from a guy’s perspective and he talked about dating in a different; or I say more sensible way.
“I’m the last person to assume to be authoritative about romance,” he said. “The best thing I’ve done with most of my relationships is to see them end, with a fundamental reason—I was in relationships for so many years and with so many folks for all the wrong reasons.”
“The biggest mistake? Getting into a relationship just for the heck of it. Or to escape a family situation, or a family, or yourself. To escape for any reason.”
He also mentioned the importance of love and respect in a relationship. “And never expect that love and respect go hand in hand. Sometimes they don’t. I’ve loved people I didn’t respect all that much, and I’ve respected some I wasn’t in love with.”
“....Proving love and earning respect take time and patience,” he added.
He also told about “Panacea,” which the meaning I’ve found out to be a remedy for all diseases, evils, or difficulties or a cure-all.
“Another big mistake I had was using my partner as panacea for not having dealt with personal issues I should have resolved before getting into any relationship. In the Philippines, we spend a huge amount of time not dealing with our issues, whether they involve parents, siblings, or ourselves.”
Lastly, here’s his point that I like the most. “Before you fall in love—even before you think you’ve fallen—take a breather and call a shrink. We’re a people who should have a national therapy conversation. The most important relationship you should ensure is with yourself first. [I say, God first. Yourself next.]Unless you fix what is inside, no other person, no matter how wonderful he or she maybe, will be able to do it for you.”
It's a tiring day of sorting stuffs and throwing off things I don't need already and there are lots them! Whew. My room says she feels lighter now. Haha.
I've found a dirty box and there was a tiny notebook in there that I personalized as a slumbook way back in High school. :D Old school is cool.
Top Picks?
Q: What makes you smile?
Nikki: crush! KC: Jowell's jokes
Q: Your day is incomplete if you did not...
Rona: take a bath Joy: Breathe -Oo nga naman! haha
Q: Extraordinary power you wanted...Why?
Thel: See future thru people's eyes. -Whew. ang lalim! Jowell: Immortality...I don't want to die. -Haha Rona: Read minds
Q: First country you wanted to tour. Why?
Nikki: US.. para tisay! Marj: Continent na lang..Europe! Jowell: Philippines...tanga masaya dito! -hahaha
Q: If your life is a movie, what will be its title?
Thel: In the Eye's of a Teen Nikki: Flirt in the School Rona: Rona the Great Joy: Joy's World Marj: Foolish Mind KC: Simple KC -Wow, parang Simply KC lang.. Ginaya ka!
Q: Motto
Thel: The greatest thing you'll ever learn is to love and be loved in return Rona: Lier goes to hell Joy: Everything happens for a reason Marj: Live life to the fullest! KC: Enjoy life
Dedications
Nikki: "...Muztah? Tagal nang buhay , no? Gusto ko na yatang mamatay eh (joke)"
Rona: "...Basta remember kahit kasing laki lang ng kamao ang puso ko, nandun ka."
KC: "...Tnx for letting me sign here (kahit di tayo masyadong close)" -second yr highschool pa kasi to eh. haha
And the best among the rest dedications:
Jowell: "Thx for letting me 2 sign in ur flirting autograph like u. (JOKE) Thx rin bcoz I have a friend like u bcoz sa lahat ng flirt u r the one who is very behave." -hahaha
There's one song I heard today that really captured my present thoughts and feelings towards God.
Sometimes my little heart can't understand What's in Your will, what's in Your plan. So many times I'm tempted to ask You why, But I can never forget it for long. Lord, what You do could not be wrong. So I believe You, even when I must cry.
Do I trust You, Lord? Does the river flow? Do I trust You, Lord? Does the north wind blow?
You can see my heart, You can read my mind, And You got to know That I would rather die Than to lose my faith In the One I love. Do I trust You, Lord? Do I trust You?
Iknow the answers, I've given them all. But suddenly now, Ifeel so small. Shaken down to the cavity in my soul. I knowthe doctrine and theology, But right now they don't mean much to me. This time there's only one thing I've got to know.
Do I trust You, Lord? Does the robin sing? Do I trust You, Lord? Does it rain in spring?
You can see my heart, You can read my mind, And You got to know That I would rather die Than to lose my faith In the One I love. Do I trust You, Lord? Do I trust You?
I will trust You, Lord, when I don't know why. I will trust You, Lord, till the day I die. I will trust You, Lord, when I'm blind with pain! You were God before, and You'll never change. I will trust You. I will trust You. I will trust You, Lord. I will trust You.
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