NGITI LANG. :)

MY EMERGENCY ROOM EXPERIENCE

I never thought, wished and expected to be assigned in Emergency Room—at least during my Residency Training, as The AFP Medical Center calls it. I only had one chance of duty in E.R. during my student nurse days and the only thing I can remember was, I had aching legs after the shift! And to be honest, it wasn’t my favourite area. The snappy nurse an E.R. needs just wasn’t me. I couldn’t count myself in. So for me, not wishing to be there was already expected. But sometimes, the things that you least expect are also the things meant for you. Sometimes, life surprises you a bit and you feel like you have no choice but to embrace it.

Two months. I thought that was toooooo long. But then, as I write this, I only have two days left of duty. And I thought now, it was tooooo fast.

Perhaps, I had the most awkward, embarrassing and dumbest moments here.  3pm-11pm was my first shift and I remember my bus rides going home, that I was just staring blankly on the window, feeling like I’m the most stupid thing on Earth. Talk about the times when toxic  Vehicular accident patients came in and I didn’t even know where to get the equipments the doctors were asking me to provide.; when the room is flooded with people and I don’t know where to put myself in.  I remember Capt. Dante Brosas telling us on our first day, “Sa ER, anything goes.  So take every opportunity to learn.” That’s ER. Busy. Fast-paced.  Fun.

I’ll surely miss being called “Bhe,” by my ER mommies. I’ll miss Sir Bart's toasted sliced bread, Sir Germ's "Teresita” song, Maam Angelie's Mutya moves, Maam Keighty and Sir Eric's English debate, and my Ilocano sessions with Mami Tess.

Thanks to every single person who patiently mentored me, especially Maam Pia, Maam Apple and Maam Angelie, who taught us big time on our first shifting.

Thanks also to the patients I’ve handled, who smiles at me every time I meet them around V.Luna.  You make my day brighter. And also to the patients whom, I felt like they wanna tear me into pieces for the mistakes I made.  You taught me well to let go and move on, the E.R way. :)

And most especially to Tess and Adrian who gave me the biggest help more than they could ever think of. I’ll super miss you, guys!

ONE SACRIFICE

"...The measure of God's love for us is shown by two things. One, is the degree of his sacrifice in saving us from the penalty of our sin. The other is, the degree of unworthiness that we had when he saved us.

     The measure of His love for us increases still more when we consider our unworthiness.

"Perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die-- but God shows His love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:7-8

   We deserved divine punishment, not divine sacrifice. I have heard it said, "God didn't die for frogs. So he was responding to our value as humans." This turns grace on its head. We are worse off than frogs. They have not sinned. They have not rebelled and treated God with contempt of being inconsequential in their lives. God did not  have to die for frogs. They aren't bad enough. WE ARE. Our debt is so great, only divine sacrifice could pay it.

   There is only one explanation for God's sacrifice for us. It's not us. It is the riches of His grace. It's all free. It's not a response to our worth. It's the overflow of His infinite worth."

-John Piper, The Passion of Jesus Christ

Many people do sacrifices when the season of Lent comes. Most of the time, it is to appease God for their sins; so often, Lent comes with a sober thought. But for me, Lent should be a Celebration, because it is a reminder that the greatest sacrifice for our sins has been made 2,000 years ago at the Cross. Sometimes, we should sacrifice in order to obey God. But no sacrifice is ever enough to make God forgive our sins. Only Jesus can do that and it is only by accepting what He has done for us, can we receive the forgiveness we desperately need.  That One sacrifice says it all.

"...If we are saved from the consequences of our bad deeds, it will not because they weighed less than our good deeds. It will be because the record of debt in heaven has been nailed to the Cross of Christ... There is no hope in our deeds. There is only hope in the suffering and death of Christ.

   There is no salvation by balancing the record. There is only salvation by cancelling records. The record of our bad deeds (including our defective good deeds), along with the just penalties that each deserves, must be blotted out-- not balanced. This is what Christ suffered and died to accomplish."

-John Piper, The Passion of Jesus Christ

Have  a blessed Lenten week, everyone! :)

♥ Kate :)

LOST

It's been awhile since I wrote something about my life. I wanted to write something, but that would force me to look straight at the reality of my life, which hurts a lot. So before I write a sentence or two, I back off. Lately, my heart goes from being hopeful to being frustrated, then back to being hopeful again. And since I made this blog primarily to inspire and a medium of blessing to other people, I don't want a record of those.

I don't know where I am-- in life. I don't know why I am going to a "certain" place everyday and do the things I do. I never dreamed of doing this-- Yes, it might be my mistake that I took a course 5 years ago, that I am not really passionate about. And now, I don't know how and where to stand to make things right. A lost feeling haunts me almost everyday that I just manage to get rid off for the sake of the people who are serving me, and for the people whom I am serving. It's an ugly feeling to wake up everyday, knowing that you're not on the road to your dreams and passions. I feel out f lane. But if you have a dream, you just can't give up... I've been angry with so many things in life. But right now, I feel confused rather than mad. Though I am better, I still feel lost . I don't know where I am. I don't know where I am going. And I don't know how to help myself. And though Truth tells me that I'm not alone, I feel so alone-- inside.

ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK?

"Clouds and thick darkness surround him; righteousness and justice are the foundation of his throne." -Psalm 97:2

There are times when even if you're  you're wide awake, walking in life at high noon, there comes dark alleys that you will have no choice but to walk through because there's no other way. I often wonder why of all things that will surround God-- He has chosen thick darkness. Who wouldn't be afraid of the dark? 

"The people remained at a distance, while Moses approached the thick darkness where God was" -Exodus 20:21

Well, maybe, for all of us who feels like we have been trapped in this life's dark and empty hours, we can hope that God is also where we are. The truth is, we cannot really go deeper in our relationship with God while remaining at the distance, where light and comfort is. Sometimes, we have to risk approaching the thick darkness to truly encounter this God. What makes it harder is that, we cannot really totally outdo our initial response to darkness which is often panic and fear. It may take some time to calm ourselves down and allow peace to go back. By then, hopefully, there in thick and overwhelming darkness, we can see God shining the brightest. 

DOES GOD CARE ABOUT YOUR LOVELIFE?

from photobucket.com

“God, where are you in this?” my heart cried silently. “I am your child. All my life, you know I have longed for something beautiful. I have searched for true love. Does a pure and perfect romance even exist in this dark world of lust and perversion and sin? Should I even dare to dream of something beyond the shallow, meaningless, cheap version of love I’ve known so far?”

Then came a soft, gentle tugging upon my heart. Suddenly I somehow knew that my life did not need to be this way and that God had something better for me. It was almost as if God Himself was reminding me, “I am the Author of True Love; I am the Creator of Romance.”

A quiet challenge deeply touched my spirit in that moment, as if God were tenderly standing before me, with tears of boundless love in His eyes, whispering to my heart, “You have searched for true love in your own way. But My ways are not your ways. I want to script a beautiful tale just for you, but first you must trust Me with the pen of this precious area of your life. Will you let Me write your love story?”

-Leslie Ludy, When God Writes Your Love Story

WHY I DON'T DREAD V.DAY (the way I used to) EVEN IF I'M SINGLE?
1. I already view Romance from a different perspective. Different means from God's perspective, that is what the Bible and not the hollywood, teleserye's, and what the most of the people in the world say about love.
2. I've had enough of years wanting and longing for the wrong kind of love from the wrong person at the wrong time.
3. I'm up to giving my heart to God, fully...(which is a long and tough journey) so that He can give it to the man of His choice for me.
4. God is the Author of My LIFE, that means He is also the Author of my LOVE STORY.
5. I'm not just "waiting "to become a boy's girlfriend, I'm "waiting" to become a man's wife.

“To wait for the right person, ultimately is to make oneself the right one for whoever God has prepared for you...”

-Evelyn Miranda Feliciano, Love and Courtship

Happy Valentine's Day! ♥

PICTUCARD 2

-photo uploaded by emo_rawr_5038  

-edited by me. (words from the song  Found by Phillip LaRue)

TODAY IS THE FIRST DAY OF MY 21st YEAR

And it was all about LOVE ♥
and a START of something new.


New series to learn from church.
New year.
New activities this week. 

TODAY IS THE LAST DAY OF MY 20th YEAR

It's a "Tangled" way to end my 20th year. :) The lantern part mesmerized me. And I fell in ♥ with Flynn Rider. :)

I've known Rapunzel since I was a kid but I never knew a thing about Rapunzel's story until now. The love story was not that mushy but it was interesting-- almost heartbreaking but still, amazing! 

By the way, Rapunzel is now my favorite Disney Princess at least from the point of view of this movie, that is, absolutely in contrast to Shrek 3's Rapunzel.:)

A QUOTE TO REMEMBER: "Rapunzel is a princess worth waiting for."- Eugene Fitzherbert a.k.a. Flynn Rider

FEBRUARY 4, 2011

better4u.eu (edited)

If I am to describe this day, I think the following words will fit. 

"Making decisions was the painful part of me, the part I agonized over. But once the decision was made, I simply followed through--- usually with relief that the choice was made. Sometimes, the belief was tainted by despair...But it was still better than wrestling with the alternatives."

-Bella, Twilight

 "...I may make a wrong decision sometimes but standing up for something, also entails responsibility for whatever it will lead me to..." (a repost)

-Rovy P. Malasan, Lampara 2008
FEU-NRMF

THIRSTY

esquire.com

Sometimes, you just want to shut off your mind from all the knowledge you've had about God, and you just want to encounter God, Himself, right in your heart. It's like digging an old treasure you were once so happy about that you've found it. 

Me, holding on to my faith "lately"(for I feel like it's been like forever) is like gasping for air to breathe in oxygen before it's too late to be alive. 

I've read Philip Yancey's Reaching For an Invisible God, and it remains one of my favorite books. But "lately," it feels like I, the one who is reaching out, is the one invisible, and not God. I know and believe that this God I know exists. No one and nothing can make me forsake that belief in this life time. It's just that when I come in to the picture "lately," I feel like God looks past through me. I feel like I've been pounding on His door and no one inside hears a thing. Whew. I am blown away. Life has been beating us up on our finances, my health, and now, even my future..My very near future. 

I don't feel Him that much, I don't hear Him..and it hurts..because He knows, more than anyone else that I need His voice, I need Him, now more than ever, before.

Everything about "lately" hurts already. 

All I have is His naked Truth, that I don't even feel like holding on to...but if I let go, nothing will be left for me..I don't feel like I want to live for Him already..but again, again and again, I don't know how to live without Him anymore.

TOUCHING GOD

*a late post

from my_sarisari_store.typepad.com

This picture always reminds me of how ancient people flooded the places where Jesus was during His ministry on earth, as recorded in the New Testament.

“That evening after sunset the people brought to Jesus all the sick and demon-possessed. The whole town gathered at the door, and Jesus healed many who had various diseases…” Mark 1:32-34 (NIV)

“For he had healed many, so that those with diseases were pushing forward to touch him.” Mark 3:10 (NIV)

The sick, the poor, those who's hope left is only God, came rushing towards Jesus.

How about now? We can't see Jesus roaming around so we can run to Him to touch Him and be healed. Yet, if a tangible touch isn't possible today, perhaps we can just touch His heart.

If there's healing by merely touching His cloak, how much more if we touch his heart?

I believe that if God puts value to a faith of someone who perseveres despite of the raging crowd just to seek his healing, He cherishes it more if a person simply puts his faith on Him despite of a seemingly impossible situation.

Every time we seek Him amidst the darkness we face, every time we go through the “crowd” of obstacles in life, and still trust Him-- God is worshipped. And every time God is truly worshipped, He is touched.

“A large crowd followed and pressed around him. And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched His cloak, because she thought, “if I just touch his clothes, I will be healed.” Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering.

“At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from Him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, “Who touched me?”

“You see the people crowding against you,” his disciples answered, “and yet you can ask, “Who touched me?”

But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it. Then the woman, knowing what had happened to her, came and fell at his feet, trembling with fear, told him the whole truth. “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace and be freed from your suffering.” Mark 5:24-34 (NIV)

People, until now, are desperate for “God”— and our act of desperation comes in many ways. We long for miracles, we hope for the impossible. It’s in the tiniest cry of our hearts. Therefore, we want to get in touch with a higher power—or God. Many will try to touch Him, but few are felt. For when God asked, "Who touched me?" I believe it was more than a physical contact but a connection in spirit. If in touching the edge of his cloak, people in the past received physical healing. We have this hope that right now, wherever we are, by touching His heart through worship, we can receive healing in our wounded hearts and bruised souls.--- something we truly long.

“People brought all their sick to him, and begged him to let the sick just touch in the edge of His cloak, and all who touched Him were healed.” Matthew 14:35-36 (NIV)

IN SPIRIT AND IN TRUTH

My church, Victory Christian Fellowship's annual Seven days Prayer and Fasting is about to end. And attending prayer meeting every night these past few days reminded me of something I've read from Rick Joyner's The Call, which touches me every time... I hope that for you, it will be the same. :)

"...Then I was in a different place, beholding a worship service in a little church building. As sometimes happens in a prophetic experience, I just seemed to know everything about everyone in the battered little room. All were experiencing severe trials in their lives, but they were not even thinking of them here. They were not praying about their needs. They were all trying to compose songs of thanksgiving to the Lord. They were happy, and their joy was sincere.

I saw heaven, and all of heaven was weeping. I then saw the Father again and knew why heaven was weeping. They were weeping because of the tears in the eyes of the Father. This little group of seemingly beaten down, struggling people had moved God so deeply that He wept. They were not tears of pain, but of joy. When I saw the love that He felt for these few worshipers, I could not contain my own tears.

Nothing I had experienced gripped me more than this scene. Worshiping the Lord on earth was now more desirable to me than dwelling in all of the glory of heaven. I knew that I had been given a message that could help prepare the saints for the battles that remained on earth, but now this did not mean nearly as much to me as trying to convey how we could touch the Father. Genuine adoration expressed by even the most humble believer on earth could cause all of heaven to rejoice, but even more than that, it touches the Father. This is why the angels would rather be given charge over a single believer on the earth than to be given authority over many galaxies of stars.

I saw Jesus standing next to the Father. Beholding the joy of the Father as He watched the little prayer meeting, He turned to me and said, “This is why I went to the cross. Giving My Father joy for just one moment would have been worth it all. Your worship can cause Him joy every day. Your worship when you are in the midst of difficulties touches Him even more than all of the worship of heaven. Here, where His glory is seen, the angels cannot help but to worship. When you worship without seeing His glory in the midst of your trials, that is worship in Spirit and in truth. The Father seeks such to be His worshipers. Do not waste your trials. Worship the Father, not for what you will receive, but to bring Him joy. You will never be stronger than when you bring Him joy, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.”