THIRSTY

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Sometimes, you just want to shut off your mind from all the knowledge you've had about God, and you just want to encounter God, Himself, right in your heart. It's like digging an old treasure you were once so happy about that you've found it. 

Me, holding on to my faith "lately"(for I feel like it's been like forever) is like gasping for air to breathe in oxygen before it's too late to be alive. 

I've read Philip Yancey's Reaching For an Invisible God, and it remains one of my favorite books. But "lately," it feels like I, the one who is reaching out, is the one invisible, and not God. I know and believe that this God I know exists. No one and nothing can make me forsake that belief in this life time. It's just that when I come in to the picture "lately," I feel like God looks past through me. I feel like I've been pounding on His door and no one inside hears a thing. Whew. I am blown away. Life has been beating us up on our finances, my health, and now, even my future..My very near future. 

I don't feel Him that much, I don't hear Him..and it hurts..because He knows, more than anyone else that I need His voice, I need Him, now more than ever, before.

Everything about "lately" hurts already. 

All I have is His naked Truth, that I don't even feel like holding on to...but if I let go, nothing will be left for me..I don't feel like I want to live for Him already..but again, again and again, I don't know how to live without Him anymore.