NGITI LANG. :)

MY EMERGENCY ROOM EXPERIENCE

I never thought, wished and expected to be assigned in Emergency Room—at least during my Residency Training, as The AFP Medical Center calls it. I only had one chance of duty in E.R. during my student nurse days and the only thing I can remember was, I had aching legs after the shift! And to be honest, it wasn’t my favourite area. The snappy nurse an E.R. needs just wasn’t me. I couldn’t count myself in. So for me, not wishing to be there was already expected. But sometimes, the things that you least expect are also the things meant for you. Sometimes, life surprises you a bit and you feel like you have no choice but to embrace it.

Two months. I thought that was toooooo long. But then, as I write this, I only have two days left of duty. And I thought now, it was tooooo fast.

Perhaps, I had the most awkward, embarrassing and dumbest moments here.  3pm-11pm was my first shift and I remember my bus rides going home, that I was just staring blankly on the window, feeling like I’m the most stupid thing on Earth. Talk about the times when toxic  Vehicular accident patients came in and I didn’t even know where to get the equipments the doctors were asking me to provide.; when the room is flooded with people and I don’t know where to put myself in.  I remember Capt. Dante Brosas telling us on our first day, “Sa ER, anything goes.  So take every opportunity to learn.” That’s ER. Busy. Fast-paced.  Fun.

I’ll surely miss being called “Bhe,” by my ER mommies. I’ll miss Sir Bart's toasted sliced bread, Sir Germ's "Teresita” song, Maam Angelie's Mutya moves, Maam Keighty and Sir Eric's English debate, and my Ilocano sessions with Mami Tess.

Thanks to every single person who patiently mentored me, especially Maam Pia, Maam Apple and Maam Angelie, who taught us big time on our first shifting.

Thanks also to the patients I’ve handled, who smiles at me every time I meet them around V.Luna.  You make my day brighter. And also to the patients whom, I felt like they wanna tear me into pieces for the mistakes I made.  You taught me well to let go and move on, the E.R way. :)

And most especially to Tess and Adrian who gave me the biggest help more than they could ever think of. I’ll super miss you, guys!

ONE SACRIFICE

"...The measure of God's love for us is shown by two things. One, is the degree of his sacrifice in saving us from the penalty of our sin. The other is, the degree of unworthiness that we had when he saved us.

     The measure of His love for us increases still more when we consider our unworthiness.

"Perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die-- but God shows His love for us that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us." -Romans 5:7-8

   We deserved divine punishment, not divine sacrifice. I have heard it said, "God didn't die for frogs. So he was responding to our value as humans." This turns grace on its head. We are worse off than frogs. They have not sinned. They have not rebelled and treated God with contempt of being inconsequential in their lives. God did not  have to die for frogs. They aren't bad enough. WE ARE. Our debt is so great, only divine sacrifice could pay it.

   There is only one explanation for God's sacrifice for us. It's not us. It is the riches of His grace. It's all free. It's not a response to our worth. It's the overflow of His infinite worth."

-John Piper, The Passion of Jesus Christ

Many people do sacrifices when the season of Lent comes. Most of the time, it is to appease God for their sins; so often, Lent comes with a sober thought. But for me, Lent should be a Celebration, because it is a reminder that the greatest sacrifice for our sins has been made 2,000 years ago at the Cross. Sometimes, we should sacrifice in order to obey God. But no sacrifice is ever enough to make God forgive our sins. Only Jesus can do that and it is only by accepting what He has done for us, can we receive the forgiveness we desperately need.  That One sacrifice says it all.

"...If we are saved from the consequences of our bad deeds, it will not because they weighed less than our good deeds. It will be because the record of debt in heaven has been nailed to the Cross of Christ... There is no hope in our deeds. There is only hope in the suffering and death of Christ.

   There is no salvation by balancing the record. There is only salvation by cancelling records. The record of our bad deeds (including our defective good deeds), along with the just penalties that each deserves, must be blotted out-- not balanced. This is what Christ suffered and died to accomplish."

-John Piper, The Passion of Jesus Christ

Have  a blessed Lenten week, everyone! :)

♥ Kate :)

LOST

It's been awhile since I wrote something about my life. I wanted to write something, but that would force me to look straight at the reality of my life, which hurts a lot. So before I write a sentence or two, I back off. Lately, my heart goes from being hopeful to being frustrated, then back to being hopeful again. And since I made this blog primarily to inspire and a medium of blessing to other people, I don't want a record of those.

I don't know where I am-- in life. I don't know why I am going to a "certain" place everyday and do the things I do. I never dreamed of doing this-- Yes, it might be my mistake that I took a course 5 years ago, that I am not really passionate about. And now, I don't know how and where to stand to make things right. A lost feeling haunts me almost everyday that I just manage to get rid off for the sake of the people who are serving me, and for the people whom I am serving. It's an ugly feeling to wake up everyday, knowing that you're not on the road to your dreams and passions. I feel out f lane. But if you have a dream, you just can't give up... I've been angry with so many things in life. But right now, I feel confused rather than mad. Though I am better, I still feel lost . I don't know where I am. I don't know where I am going. And I don't know how to help myself. And though Truth tells me that I'm not alone, I feel so alone-- inside.