BIDDING 2010 GOODBYE

from Google

It was year 2006 when I was branded “Batch 2010.” I was freshmen in the school of nursing and year 2010, back then, seemed to be remote. But there it goes, “Batch 2010” has already graduated and “Year 2010” is nearly over. Looking back, time indeed flew fast. So before the countdown to 2011 starts and fireworks dance in the night sky, I’ll try to look back and find some things that made this year “for a purpose.”

Year 2010 is the year I got 20 years old, graduated from school, got exhausted like never before while reviewing, passed a board exam, became a licensed professional, became a bum like forever, got restless and confused about what to do in life, got weird “stomach” sickness, felt the biggest blow financially, and worse, I nearly forgot about Christmas.

The second half of my year was, for me, filled with series of wrong decisions made and wrong attitudes displayed. It was a not so perfect year, yet I believe, I wouldn’t trade “my” year 2010 with somebody else’s year 2010. I may have made a lot of mess out of it, but it’s either I stumble and stay here forever or I stumble and get up, and since the game is not yet over, try again. Besides, a series of wrong decisions made and wrong attitudes displayed could lead to life lessons we could either choose to learn or to ignore.

This year, I learned that letting go and holding on, go hand in hand. Human nature says, it’s easier to be so tight-gripped about the bad things in life and just give up on the good things in life; just as when life offers you a bed of roses, it’s so easy to praise God but when life’s problems hit you hard, it’s easier to be mad at God and just run away.  But since I chose to take the narrow road, I must learn to live the other way around. There are three things I found to better let go:  if it’s not meant for me, if it’s not yet the right time, and if the situation is humanly impossible to solve. With that, it’s time to let go and let God. His promises and blessings, I need to hold on to, even if it looks like the hardest thing to do at the moment.

This year, I learned the value of “stillness.” I may appear as a silent person most of the time, but deep down inside me, silence finds an elusive place.  Silence, in fact, gives me an awful feeling.  I find myself, wanting to do something, all the time—even if unnecessary. “But I can’t just hit the accelerator all the time. Sometimes, it’s good to hit my brakes.” (joyce meyer)  My post board exam experience left me on the nuts. I was in my most confused state. I thought I was seeking God but, I guess, I was just blurting it all out on God.  I forgot that when you get lost on a road trip, you have to ask for direction, and to ask for direction, you have to stop.  You can’t ask where to go, while you are still on your own driving. Peace and rest gives God a good soil to plant whatever He wants us to do.

This year, I learned that I can only do one thing at a time. (What?) Yes, I used to multi-task everything. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that multi-tasking is a bad thing; it’s just that, what happened to me was, I fell into the destructive attitude of a “hurry.” I used to be preoccupied with what’s next and I failed to truly savour every bit of what’s in the now.

This year, I felt like majority of my time were spent in waiting. Most of the time, I was just too early. Other times, they were just too late.  At times, I was just waiting for nothing. Perhaps, God saw it fit for me to wait because my must-learn lessons are best learned through waiting. Patience is one.

Lastly, this year, I felt that I wanted to give up my relationship with God already...only to find out that I don’t know how to live without relating with Him anymore. Or perhaps, I’m letting Him go, like a child pulling his hand from his father’s hand while crossing a street, but He won’t let go since He sees the danger ahead. Or, He won’t let go simply because He loves me..even if He is not being loved back enough. I don’t know. I am nothing special on my own to be held this long. It’s just the Father’s love so strong..

Year 2010 is not my favourite year. This is not my favourite season either. But even if I feel like I’m merely crawling in my journey in life, I truly hope that as I take my exodus from year 2010, I will carry with me a better change on the genesis and the rest of 2011.