FAITH-FULL?

November of last year was the last time I did a self-awareness activity with a group. Nursing students learned from Psychiatric Nursing the importance of doing a self check before working with clients who have mental illnesses.  On our part, we did an activity that opened ourselves to the group to write about each member’s two personal facets: the negative and the positive traits.

Last August, I spent almost a month in the province, and I had plenty of time there to think things through in my life.

The copies of what we wrote on that particular activity were not given back to us. But one thing I remembered sharply was me, being described as “faithful” by most of my group mates.

Then our Clinical Instructor asked, “Faithful to whom?” I pointed upwards as a response. To validate what I meant, he asked, “Are you born again?” pertaining to what he thought was my religion. He was right on saying I was born again-- though I don’t actually consider it as a religion. But to avoid further explanations, I just nodded.

Faithful. I rehearsed that thought over and over, drawing the fact that I just did an acknowledgment that I really am faithful to my God.

But to be honest with myself, and to anyone who might have been reading this. I am not.

My response when I pointed upwards might have been right if the question was “Faithful? Who?”

My faith is not all the time FULL. I doubt most of the time.

“Doubt always co exists with faith, for in the presence of certainty, who would need faith at all?”

-Philip Yancey, Reaching for the invisible God

I struggle a roller-coaster of faith every day. So it’s not a surprise when I frequently pray what the apostles exclaimed, “Lord, increase my faith!” [Luke 17:5].

And if "Everything is possible for him who believes." [Mark 9:23] comes to mind, I utter “I do believe! Help me overcome my unbelief!” [Mark 9:24] once again.

God may not appear as faithful at times, but at the end of the “day” He will not lose the battle of faithfulness. Sometimes, we allow ourselves lose faith in Him before He starts proving His faithfulness on us.

I often tell God, “Your promises are always sure as you say, but my faith is not. So help me not to lose faith, because if I do, I will lose everything else—including all the good promises you have for me.”

“...I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” [Matthew 17:20]

Yes, even as small as this: